Sunday, January 31, 2016

Sheep Found to be Alien Communication Towers

A recently released study reveals that news readers on social media platforms only read headlines and not the connected articles. The year long intensive study followed social media users on sites such as
Facebook and tracked their news reading activity.

The majority of social media users were found to have only read the headline of a linked news article. The social media users then immediately went and started making comments on the social media site on their feelings of the article.

The company behind the study stated that only one percent of all of the social media news readers actually clicked through the link to read the actual article. The company also stated that 78 percent of all the responses to the article had nothing to do with any actual facts or what the article was even about.

The study went on to show that the headlines didn't even need to be based on any actual news.

“In fact, the more outrageous and untrue the statement in the headline the more responses it gained on social media platforms,” said Ira Votchoo, the head of the study organization.

The study also showed that images increased the likelihood of leaving a comment. However, images didn't actually need to be connected with the article to raise the likelihood of a comment being left. Of the social media test subjects, 98 percent were unable to state whether the image had any real connection to the linked article.

After the results from the survey were released many of the nations top newspapers immediately announced the termination of all of their staff writers. The newspapers have announced that they will be switching next week to headline only editions online and ending the print editions as well.

“We don't need staff writers to create heads, an editor can do that just as well,” said Payrant Dinesti, a newspaper publisher.

The news seems to have shocked the nation according to postings on social media platforms which have included such comments as, “This is all Obama and his socialist policies fault,” and “Boycott all milk products.”

Journalists seem less shocked about the results of the survey, many of which stated that the survey results have been known within the news writing community for years.

“We've known for years no one actually read the articles,” said Skip “Wordz” Mapatchek, a 25-year journalist. “For the last two years all my articles have consisted of the answers to last week's crossword puzzles in random order and no one has ever noticed.”

The result of the termination of all journalists is expected to bring large profits to the struggling newspaper industry that has been financially deficient after the results of last year's survey which showed that most readers under the age of 29 thought newspapers were only used in the old days to line bird cages and not actual carriers of information.

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